


Everything And Nothing

by Toni_Lynne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, British Men of Letters, Character Death, F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 05:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toni_Lynne/pseuds/Toni_Lynne





	Everything And Nothing

_Why does this girl live in my dream_   
_More happy than she’s ever seemed (I can’t have her, save me from her)_   
_Lost between her moon and her sun_   
_What am I supposed to love (I can’t have her, save me from her)_

* * *

Mick dreamt about her every night. He would stretch out on the uncomfortable cot and dream about the broken woman down the hall. 

In his dreams she was different. She was still the woman he had met last year. She laughed, she danced, she sang. She had a sparkle in her eye and a wicked sense of humor.

She would wrap her dream arms around his dream waist and confess her love, lips pressed against his ear. She shopped for wedding dresses and held green eyed babies. She saw him coming and she smiled, opening her arms to him.

With a sigh Mick rolled over on his bed. He wanted to take her in his arms and ease her pain. He wanted to wipe the tears from her cheeks, kiss her lips, and assure her she could find love again. That it, _he_ , was right in front of her when she was ready.

He needed to sleep but to fall asleep meant tomorrow would arrive and he hated mornings. He hated sneaking around the compound, desperate to avoid the actual greeting he would receive from her. The hate in her eyes when she saw him. The blame. The anger.

She would never forgive him for her loss and he knew it. He knew it but he couldn’t stop loving her.

It was his love that ruined her life, but Mick had no regrets.

As much as she loved and grieved for him, Ketch had never returned her love. She was another toy in his collection. 

The man knew of Mick’s feelings for her when she was a fresh American hunter newly recruited to the British Men of Letters. Ketch saw right away what she meant to Mick and he set out to win her, although it’s not a victory if there is no contest and Mick refused to make her a prize. He watched Ketch play with her emotions, her body, and her heart. All while he loved her from a distance.

When they stood with the Winchesters to take on Lucifer and she fell into the trap with Ketch, Mick knew there was only time for one to be saved so he pulled her free, leaving Ketch behind.

The scream that tore from her throat as the trap closed hurt more than the bruises she left on his face as she fought him.

And now here they were, a shell of a woman and a man who would love her until the day he died.

He watched her take on hunt after hunt, refusing assistance and acting reckless and lost. He spent more and more of his time holding his breath in fear until she returned. A sigh of relief sliding from his lips as she began barking orders at everyone like the man she had loved and lost.

Shifting again on his cot, Mick was distracted from his thoughts by the sound of scuffing in the corner of his room. He had less than a second to react before she was on him, pinning him to the thin mattress with her knees around his hips.   It was a position he would have enjoyed if circumstances were different and she didn’t have a blade pressed to his neck.  “You should have saved him,” she rasped, her salty tears falling on his face.

“I couldn’t save you both.”

“Then you should have saved him. He was the better hunter. He was your friend. Why me?”

“Because I love you. I couldn’t watch you die. I wish it had been me. I would have done anything to take his place, to give you a reason to be happy. But I couldn’t and I made the decision to save your life, knowing you would hate me for it.”

She drew the knife back and when her lips brushed his seconds later he couldn’t stop the way his body trembled. 

She was everything he had dreamt she would be. Soft and warm. He held everything he ever wanted as he made love to her, kissing away her tears as his hands learned the feel of her body.

Falling asleep holding her, Mick felt a happy hope that he hadn’t felt for a long time.  When he woke the next morning to find her gone he felt his heart shatter. 

Rumor had it she was with the Winchesters, but he didn’t follow her. 

He completed his assignment in America and boarded a plane back to England with a new understanding for how empty she felt. 

He knew how it felt to have someone take away everything you loved and leave you with nothing but your own broken heart and Mick hated her for it.

 


End file.
